I recently came across a blog post entitled "I'm 30, Divorced and Happy". The author of the post was nearing her 30th birthday and reflecting on the successes and adventures she experienced in her 20's. One of those sucesses was marriage...followed 18 months later with divorce. As she put it, "Where most people may look at this as a stain on my otherwise successful decade, I squarely place it among one of my proudest accomplishments."
Many may read this and think, "How can divorce be considered an accomplishment?" For this author, she described her marriage as ongoing incompatibility and disappearing chemistry, mutually agreed upon time spent apart and living separate lives. Through it all, she states that she and her husband maintained a high level of love and respect for one another.
So what was the accomplishment here? To quote the author, "But, there we were, not even 30 and unhappily married. And of course, in this particular situation you…? Have a baby? Engage in multiple affairs? Drag each other under until you can’t breathe? Or, you admit you were wrong. You push back the fear of judgement from your family and your co-workers and everyone who JUST attended your wedding. . . You feel ashamed and embarrassed and scared, because you’re allowed to, even though you know you’ve made the right decision."
Marriage isn't easy and is not something to be entered into lightly. Divorce isn't the answer for everyone, a "one size fits all" solution to the ebbs and flows of a committed relationship. However, it is important to remember that sometimes, divorce IS the answer - for the greater wellbeing of yourself, your spouse or even your children. "Because there is no shame in living the life you want. In loving your husband enough to not want to make him compromise. In loving yourself more than your marriage."
So why am I writing this blog post? To let you know that divorce doesn't have to be a black mark on your otherwise beautiful record of life's adventures. There are ways to end your marriage with as much love and respect as that which you entered into it. I can honestly say that one of the best parts of doing this job is helping an individual make peace with one chapter in their lives while assisting them in turning the page to the next. In watching clients grow and change and move forward. Helping them see that there is more life on the horizon. Is divorce always difficult? Yes, I believe it is. But it doesn't always have to be negative.